Total Faith, Let Go, and Live as If
What a tall order to totally surrender control of your life, let go of your plans and your ideas of what is best for you, let go of your fears based on years of programming in which you see imaginary futures, and just live totally in the present.
How can I be present with someone, and let God's will take place if my mind is on my fears of the future based on my own perceived inadequacies? I've already determined the outcome (in my mind), because I've learned to have certain expectations of what has "always happened" in the past. It probably hasn't "always happened", but I seem unwilling to let this notion go, and therefore I prevent any possibility of anything happening which may be different from what I've learned to expect. So if I expect disappointment, I'll behave in a way that prevents me from living fully and, therefore is a threat to anything novel, which, chances are, will not be a disappointment.
I can't love totally if I'm planning outcomes. Of course, the outcomes I'm speaking of are the negative outcomes that we keep telling ourselves; messages we have been telling ourselves for decades.
Did you ever talk to somebody, and be looking out the corner of your eye at someone else who, in your infinite wisdom, is necessary to talk to right now, or as soon as possible. I did this a lot. I don't anymore. I have been trying to be fully present. Ideally, if I wasn't supposed to be fully immersed in the person in front of me, and ideally, if I had faith, I'd know that my higher power wouldn't have this person in front of me, and, instead, he would put the other person in front of me. "You are always exactly where you need to be at this moment in time". How little faith we have. Even if we say we have faith in that statement, our mind is thinking of a million scenarios which if we do this or do that, we can make a certain outcome happen for us. AS IF WE KNOW BETTER WHAT'S GOOD FOR US!
My mind may be useful for some things (less and less as time goes by), but for planning and scheming my future based on what I think is best, is definitely not one of them.
So I had an amazing experience of living in faith and being totally present with someone, and even though my mind was on my inadequacies and expectations that this will soon blow up in my face because they will not be OK with me exactly as I am and at this point in time. But I was wrong, very wrong. And seeing this is totally foreign to me, I mean seeing that I don't have to be anyone or do anything or plan anything or change anything whatsoever in order to be accepted totally. I've learned to realize that if I'm me and not trying to be something else, not even hinting at it, and if I live in faith that I will be accepted exactly as I am, wherever I am at my journey, it's the only way to find real love. But it takes a huge leap of faith. Huge. It's almost impossible to do it, but it is possible. I think the key is, just behave as if you have total faith in this idea, regardless of all the messages and planned futures (of negativity) that are in your head.